Take 1 man, 3 boys, a dog, all their cloths and camping gear and pack it into a small car and you have the makings of an epic road trip. How many of you remember the Ford Pinto?  If you do, you probably remember that they were most famous for bursting into flames if they were rear ended.  Well I remember them for another reason; it was the car that took me on the most epic trip ever!  This trip was supposed to be a two week adventure camping at the Grand Canyon, and riding mules down to the bottom.  It was also run on a shoe string budget.  I’m talking a shoe string that is made of multiple pieces of string, bread twist ties, and fishing line tied together in knots and still 4 inches shy of the one in your other shoe.  But man o man was it ever the greatest trip undertaken by mankind!  This happened in the summer of 1972.

Dad

My Dad passed away on September 17, 2015 so I am posting this story in his honor.  He lived life on his terms and I don’t know of a single person who did not like him.  I am glad that I inherited his sense of humor, but sometimes my wife is less than impressed.  He was big into sending cards to people on most holidays and his cards were, shall we say, not the kind you would find in a Hallmark store.  Even so, you would be laughing when you read them.  He taught me a lot about how to live life.  He did not teach me anything mechanical because he could barely tell which end of a screw driver to use.  I still miss him every day.

To set the stage for this adventure, here is what we planned to do as I remember it.  My brothers, Mike and Vince, may remember things differently, but all in all I think they would agree to the narrative I will lay out.  My Dad planned to take us three boys, 11, 10, and 8 on a two week excursion to the Grand Canyon, all while “roughing it” by camping.  This was mostly because of that shoestring budget I mentioned earlier.  You see hotels cost money and camping by the side of the road is free.  I now know that RV’ers call this boon docking.  We would do this in a two door Ford Pinto hatchback.  AND we would take the family dog, Sparks, with us as well. 

Stuffed

So into a car slightly larger than a Volkswagen Beetle we crammed all four of us, one dog, all of our clothes and all our camping gear.  Our camping gear consisted of a plastic tarp, a rope, a flashlight, a frying pan, and two blankets. Food was a luxury item and besides we were out of room. I honestly think that my Dad came up with a trip itinerary about 48 hours before we left, because there was zero planning.  But THAT is what makes THIS an epic trip.

On our first day, we traveled from Lincoln Nebraska to somewhere in Colorado.  I know it was Colorado because when we stopped, we were on a pull off on the side of a mountain.  We had driven all day and I don’t think we had stopped once for food of any kind all day.  We had maybe a sandwich and a bag of chips…between all of us.  By the time we stopped for supper, which is also the time we stopped to camp, it was nearly dark and we were absolutely starving! 

Starvation…the best seasoning

We set up camp by laying out the tarp and putting one blanket down for our “bed” using the other blanket for our cover.  Took all of 60 seconds.  Next we had to scrounge around for enough twigs to light our cook fire.  My Dad brought a package of 4 pork chops and a can of Van Camp Pork & Beans for our supper.  He grilled those chops in our one frying pan and we will all tell you, to this very day, that those were the best pork chops EVER cooked!!  There is just something magical about high altitude cooking over a camp fire with starving people that makes the flavor of any cooked item just burst with flavor.  Probably mostly because of the starving part. 

Then we went to sleep…kind of. Do you know how cold it gets in the mountains at night?  Neither did my Dad!  Trying to sleep on hard ground with a single blanket shared by 4 people is not an easy thing to do.  We froze our little butts off trying to sleep, and we left when it was still dark and before the sun was even trying to come up.

Canyon Bound!

I don’t know how my Dad did it because I know he had to be as tired as we were.  Us boys could sleep in the car but he was the only driver and could not.  We drove through Arizona that day and as we went through Winslow, I noticed a guy standing on the corner and a girl in a flatbed Ford was looking at him.  This was in 1972, remember?[1]  The next memory I have is us pulling up to the entrance of Grand Canyon National Park.  Did you know they charge an entrance fee?  Neither did my Dad!!  He kind of assumed that a National Park was already paid for by the taxpayers and was free to use.  He was pretty upset that he had to part with an entire $20 bill.  That shoestring budget just lost a knot and whole section of string.  Us kids heard a few “grown up” words as we proceeded into the park. 

We did find a campground and a camp site, so things were looking up that evening.  There was a small grocery store nearby so we could get our supper and start the fun.  Did you know campground grocery stores are not the cheapest stores in town?  Neither did my Dad!  Our supper was going to cost more than a 4 course dinner at Tony & Luigies for 6 people.  I think it may have ended up being Spam and Pork & Beans to keep costs down. 

WHAT?! I’m Not Paying For That!!

When we got back to the campsite us kids were sent out to scavenge for fire wood.  HA!!  Not even a single pine cone was to be found anywhere!  That is when we found out that you had to BUY firewood at the grocery store if you wanted a fire.  It wasn’t a matter of want for us, it was a necessity if we wanted to eat.  We heard many more “grown up” words as we headed to the store for firewood.  If you have ever been in this situation you know that Fillet Mignon is cheaper than that firewood!!

As I remember we did have fun running around the camp area and discovering bats.  We found out it was impossible to hit a bat by throwing rocks at it.  They would actually swoop in towards your thrown rock then dodge away.  Using this new found knowledge, we devised a new tactic (This is probably why we all three went into the military).  One of us would throw a rock to “lure” the bat, then when the bat was committed the other two would launch an overwhelming attack (consisting of a whole handful of small rocks) when the bat was distracted by the primary target.  We came very close to downing a few bats using this strategy.  The funny thing about gravity is that everything you throw into the air eventually comes back down, and the other campers did not appreciate the rock shower as much as we did.

That’s an Expensive Ass!

The next day my Dad was going to take us to the donkey ride to the bottom of the canyon.  We headed over to the ranger station to see where we had to check in and pick out our trusty steed.  Did you know that you have to reserve this particular excursion FAR in advance?  Neither did my Dad.  After the ranger got done laughing and kindly explaining that the donkey rides cost A HUNDRED dollars ( for 4 people and that’s 1972 dollars) and have to be reserved a year in advance, my Dad was about ready to blow a gasket…something I had never seen before, and never did see his whole life.  When we recovered from our deep disappointment and got back to the campsite, my Dad told us that we were leaving because it was just too expensive to “rough it”.  He said that we were heading for a nearby city…Las Vegas. The story continues in Part Two…

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[1] We did drive through Winslow, but the rest of that sentence is less than true, as if you didn’t know!